Half hour went by and then another half hour. I have a favorite saying, “No respite for the dying”. I created this saying for myself. I thought I was dying and so I was not looking for a respite anyway. Brooding and over thinking myself with anxiety was never my style. But I was getting there and very soon by the way things were turning out.

I was sitting alone and contemplating what my next step would be when I just registered something dark fly through the air and hit my forehead. Before I could get the involuntary shout through from my throat I was down on the floor. And then I was about to say “what the hell”, when I heard a wail from the other room. ‘Twas my wife bawling her heart out. I got up rubbing my forehead and found my black shoe lying near me. “So that was what hit me”, I thought resignedly.

I felt the blood rush to my head as my phenomenal rage was just peeping out. I seldom get angry but when I am angry all hell breaks through, for me and anyone near me. Only for the past three years I have been able to keep my anger in check. But now I could feel the old, familiar and sick feeling running through my body. My head started spinning and my brain was flushed with fresh blood. I pushed myself up with my hands on the chair and started walking resolutely towards Sucha. She was standing just outside the doorway in the hall and looking at me with fear written all over her face and tears running down her cheeks. The horror at what she had just done just was finally reaching her eyes. We were never got to physical blows and fights until today. And she could see the fire in my eyes and I could see the terror in her eyes.

I reached out my hand towards her neck. I wrapped both my hands around her neck and started squeezing her thin neck and brought her face near mine. She looked like death to me and I kissed her eyes as I said, “I love you honey and I am sorry for not being there for you all the time”. And then I smiled.