Archive for Sarcasm

March 1st 2007

Microsoft Bashing

Bill Gates of Microsoft(if u didnt know that!) said at a conference:

“If GM(General Motors) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash……..
Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only
five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation”
warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

December 1st 2006

An Employee’s Rant

This is not my post but something I found on the net. Read and enjoy.

“I have worked like a dog and sweated like a pig for this company. But I’ve been paid what monkeys get for performing tricks. What I need is not a pack of peanuts but a nice juicy bone with fresh flesh on it.

I have controlled my natural superiority to act subservient to the English dogs so I can take home something to my family. But at the end of the year I am still left with nothing substantial beause all the dirt has been split between or given to the people who extend their tongues out perpetually and lick my boss’ ass.

I have handled my job ultra efficiently and as a reward I get another year to do the same at the same level. But my colleagues who dont do half the job I do or half as efficiently as I do get overseas assignments where they only save meals by not eating and come back home to act like a King/Queen.

I have achieved my target and done much more than that. As a token of appreciation I get a worthless certificate that I can’t sell for a single penny. Because it is SHIT and does not mean a thing.

My productivity has been above par all around the year. I am doomed to do the same next year.

I have taken initiative in team improvement plans and new business goals to increase the company’s worth and standing. In the end I get the boot because I do not like to boast and someone else has done the boasting in his name.”

June 21st 2006

Die Than Fade

My tryst with Renie and his server is never-ending. And my site is back. Thanks Dude!!!

I have analyzed this and I have come up with an idea. Everytime I include some server side scripting or code to my site that unrelentingly gathers data from my site and sends to some other servers, my site goes down within 1-2 weeks. So I removed all of them, including subscription to the RSS feeds (very very sad). And now the culprit is…. Google Analytics. 10 days after I installed the code in my pages…the shit hit the fan.

On a very unrelated note. See my preivous posts on Salaray Raise and Work. Well, it came true yesterday. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Long live heavy metal and suicides

June 7th 2006

Salary Raise

“Expectations for somewhere above the skies

Anticipation for somewhere below the clouds

Reality somewhere below the earth”

— Anwin the Great, Cynosure of Sarcasm

May 8th 2006

Unpredictability

You have become so predictably unpredictable that you are no longer unpredictable.